How is sex like math

1. Sex is like math: subtract the clothes, add a bed, divide legs and multiply!
2. Women are like kids - they put everything they see in their mouth...
3. Every woman should have a little secret, every man - a very big one.
4. The higher the intellect, the lower the kisses...
5. When I was born I had to make a choice: a big dick or the finest memory. I cannot remember what I chose...
6. Open your lips and close your eyes

Let my tongue do some exercises!
7. The skies are blue, the grass is green

I like your legs and what's between!
8. Do u know what people say behind your back? - Cool ass!
9. Life is like a golf - hole after hole...
10. Alcohol is extremely good for a man, especially when it's drunk by a woman...
11. It's not sex, but the lack of it that corrupts...
12. Haven't you ever thought over why little boys lick off lips and little girls suck fingers!?
13. Erotic dreams caused by your SMS every night are really cool, but I already have no clean underwear...
14. Dear, when I'm dreaming of u, I just can't do anything else, cuz at these moments i don￢t have enough blood to supply my brain...
15. My magical watch says that you don't have any underwear. You still do? Oh, probably it goes too fast.
16. U can taste me with drinking my blood and wounding my nerves...

But u know there is another way to eat me...
17. You are a shameless person, you never share your erotic dreams with me! No excuses! - I know, it's true, I dream the same!
18. Darling, use ur hands only 4 me!

For example: use them to write me a message or just to think about me!
19. I'll screw u softly

O, please, don't worry

If you are busy today,

It will happen tomorrow... :)
20. Masturbation... is not a sin, it's just sex with someone you love...
21. Never make love in a back yard or on a veranda...cuz love may be blind, but your neighbours are not :)
22. I like your style,

make-up and dress...

But most of all

I like your ass!
23. Life is like a condom - you may use it only once!
24. Often children on backseats cause accidents... and accidents on backseats cause children ;)
25. You can hardly imagine

Bibi wa Kinyozi

Jamaa kaenda kunyolewa kinyozini. Kidogo,pakaingia mrembo flani.
Jamaa akamwambia, "Niaje.umenibamba.si kesho tupatane hapa Tao."Mrembo akajibu, "mimi nimeolewa,ntamwambia aje mume wangu?"Jamaa akajibu, "mwambie umeenda kuwatembelea jamaa zako."Mrembo akajibu, "wewe mwambie mwenyewe.ndo huyo anakunyoa!"

Panya mgani ni mkali zaidi?

Panya watatu walikuwa wanabishana eti nani mnoma. Panya wa kwanza,''Mimi nimekula red cat mara tatu na sijaidedi...'' Panya wa pili,''aahhh,hi yo ni shadow.Mimi nimekula nyama ikiwa kwa mtego mara nne na sijaishikwa...' ' Panya wa tatu...''Mimi hata sijui mna argue nini nyinyi.Mimi,hii mimba nimebeba ni ya paka...'' . Lol .panya mgani MKARE??? A.1 B.2 C.3 .

How different women text

This is how a civilised lady texts you : "Hi honey. I'm just out of class, heading for lunch now. Wish I could see you today and even buy you lunch. Take care,good day and love you. Don't forget to pray." Sasa hiki ni kile kiwaruwaru kiako kenye kinakuibia tu!: "Xwiwie aki i mixx u xow muh!!Nimekuhatar kama Mahatma Gandhi Laughing out loudlyest!! aki xi u kam buy me n ma galfwends pixzza?? Pweety pweez?? I mixs u xanar xanar! Alxo kam na credo ya airtel ya 50, ya xaf ya mbao na uninunulie simcard ya yu pale ngara. Luv u hun... I lurv u xo xo muxx!! XOXO. XXX. LOL. LMAO. LMFAO. YMCMB. CORD. NTV. RBK. KEBS. CCK. GHC. IEBC. UN.

FUNNY SWAHILI SMS : FUNNIEST SWAHILI ONE LINERS

1.Kuna jamaa alkuwa atoka lamu akushukia hoteli moja mld akaitisha chai,alipoletewa ikiwa haina sukari akaitisha sukari kisha akauliza sukari bei gani akaambiwa ni bure akasema bac nifungieni kilo 2
2. Kuna jamaa aligongwa na gari akawa mahtuti wale jamaa wakumuhudumia wakasema leteni maziwa yule jamaa alogongwa akasema oya na mkate nusu
3.Kuna jamaa alikuwa amekula miraa mpaka akawa fullhandas akicheki nje aona mvua yanyesha akasema doh mke wangu atakuwa na wasi wasi kama sikuenda hapo hapo akachukuwa mwavuli akaenda kwa mke wake akamwambia mke wangu mvua yanyesha sana siezi kuja nyumbani nitakuja kesho
4. Kuna jamaa alishikwa akiiba sambusa akaambiwa utalipa sambusa kisha utaenda polisi akajibu sambusa siendi na polisi silipi
5. Saddam alimuuliza ashwarya hw is lyf ashwarya akajibu kabi kush kabi gam nae ashawarya akamuuliza saddam saddam akajibu KABI BUSH KABI BOM
6. Jamaa alitumwa gazeti la tarehe 10 na budake akakosa aliporudi kwa babako akarudi na magazeti 2 ya tarehe 5

Gharama ya Wanawake

KWELI WANAWAKE WANA GHARAMA!!
HEBU CHEKI:-
Kila kiungo chao kinahitaji fedha.
Nywele zinataka Dawa.
Maskio yanahitaji Herini.
Macho yanataka Wanja na Shadow!
Pua inataka Kipini.
Mdomo unataka Lipstick.
Sura inataka Poda na Foundation.
Shingo inataka Cheni.
Matiti yanataka Sidiria.
Mikono inataka bangili.
Vidole vinataka Pete.
Kiuno kinataka Shanga.
Matako yanataka Chupi.
Miguu inataka Hina na Viatu,
Na
K*ma inataka Always.

Who owns a man? Wife or mother?

Who really owns a man? His mother or Wife?
Mother: My son must obey me unless he didn't suck my breast for 1 year
Wife: He sucks mine now & sucked it for more than 5 years and still sucking
Mother: I carried him for 9 months
Wife: He was only 3.5kg, so whats big deal? I carry him every night and he has 85kg now
Mother: He passed between my legs
Wife: Ahaaaaaaaa...........he only passed there once., he stays in between my legs like everyday.