Gharama ya Wanawake

KWELI WANAWAKE WANA GHARAMA!!
HEBU CHEKI:-
Kila kiungo chao kinahitaji fedha.
Nywele zinataka Dawa.
Maskio yanahitaji Herini.
Macho yanataka Wanja na Shadow!
Pua inataka Kipini.
Mdomo unataka Lipstick.
Sura inataka Poda na Foundation.
Shingo inataka Cheni.
Matiti yanataka Sidiria.
Mikono inataka bangili.
Vidole vinataka Pete.
Kiuno kinataka Shanga.
Matako yanataka Chupi.
Miguu inataka Hina na Viatu,
Na
K*ma inataka Always.

FUNNY SWAHILI SMS

1.Kuna jamaa alkuwa atoka lamu akushukia hoteli moja mld akaitisha chai,alipoletewa ikiwa haina sukari akaitisha sukari kisha akauliza sukari bei gani akaambiwa ni bure akasema bac nifungieni kilo 2
2. Kuna jamaa aligongwa na gari akawa mahtuti wale jamaa wakumuhudumia wakasema leteni maziwa yule jamaa alogongwa akasema oya na mkate nusu
3.Kuna jamaa alikuwa amekula miraa mpaka akawa fullhandas akicheki nje aona mvua yanyesha akasema doh mke wangu atakuwa na wasi wasi kama sikuenda hapo hapo akachukuwa mwavuli akaenda kwa mke wake akamwambia mke wangu mvua yanyesha sana siezi kuja nyumbani nitakuja kesho
4. Kuna jamaa alishikwa akiiba sambusa akaambiwa utalipa sambusa kisha utaenda polisi akajibu sambusa siendi na polisi silipi
5. Saddam alimuuliza ashwarya hw is lyf ashwarya akajibu kabi kush kabi gam nae ashawarya akamuuliza saddam saddam akajibu KABI BUSH KABI BOM
6. Mtoto mtiriri jana alimuona baba akimramba mama kuma leo alia nja apewa titi akataa asema mbona jana ulimpa baba chini na mimi nataka huko huko
7. Jamaa alitumwa gazeti la tarehe 10 na budake akakosa aliporudi kwa babako akarudi na magazeti 2 ya tarehe 5
8. Kadhi alimuuliza mume kwa nn wapenda kumtia mke wako nyuma mume akajibu kwa sababu mbele ni tamu na mimi ni mgonjwa wa sukari
9. Utafiti ulofanywa INDIA umegundua! Kuma ni jamii ya mdomo kwani ina ulimi,ina mate,ina ndevu,ina mashavu,ila imenyimwa meno sababu ya usalama wa mboo.Hapo vipi?
10. Khair mauti mauta waminal mauti mautan,Amin.Dua hii uliyoisoma ni ya kuomba"KIFO"na wewe ushaisoma haya sasa itakuaje?hebu jiguse roho,jee bado hujafa?kama hujafa niflash ili niondoe wasiwasi,ukikaa kimya nitajua umekufa
11. Hyo yako c dhahabu wala almasi utakufa tukuzike chini ya nyasi ,wape uwapao mwisho utatupa nasi

WHEN A NAIROBIAN VISITS MOMBASA.

1) All the swahili you learnt in school was just theory . When you land in coast, you start the practicals.
2) Niaje .. . is NOT an acceptable greeting. You say Niaje to someone and they gaze at you like they just caught you staring at testicles of the snake!
3) Remember when your Swahili teacher said those funny tanakali za sauti and misemo things you learnt in primary school and high school will come back to haunt you? He was right. I learnt that saying 'Akaanguka kwa maji kuuuu! ... . is wrong . Wrong? SINCE WHEN?
4) Shukisha .. . is NOT matatu -speak for being dropped off in coast . Bwaga is the word . I sure missed ngeli ya Bwa-ga in class.
5) If you use SHENG, you will most possibly look as stupid as a man in his wife's red dress and purple stockings . If swahili doesnt work with you, use English .
6) If some coastarian starts insulting you, you are dead. They are DAMN good at it . Open your mouth to answer and everyone will wonder which insult school you attended.How do you answer an insult like ,' Mbona wahara maneno ovyo ovyo .Na si umwombe Mola tako lingine uregeshe domo hilo lako?'
7) The punctuation marks in their swahili are difficult . I know fullstops ,comas and exclamation marks.There you punctuate your sentense with Naomba , Pole , Shukrani, Tafadhali and other weird words.Guess the hookers from therefeel like queens when you say,'Naomba ya mia mbili !'
8_____________________________
# Mswati lesimale

Ata Jokes

*ata panga iwe kali aje haiwezi
kukata kiu
 *ata kinyozi awe hodari
*aje hawezi nyoa vichwa vya habari
*ata uwe msafi aje huwezi nawa
*mikono wakati wa kukula hongo
*ata uwe na magari elfu moja utaenda choo kwa miguu
*atauzame aje huwezi toka na samaki
katika dimbwi la mapenzi
 *atahistoria ya marehemu iwe nzuri aje
haipigiwi makofi
 *ata fundi awe hodari aje hawezi repair breaking news

The best ati kwani jokes FROM ever since me day!!!

1. Ati Arsenal Wameshinda..Kwani Newcastle Walikua Wamechora SABA?
2. Ati Carpet 20,000/- ,Kwani Ni Ya Aladdin?
3. Ati Unaambia Mluyha Acheze "ANGRY BIRDS". ,Eish! Kwani Unataka? Si Hapo Ntapata Mboga!!!
4. Ati Chips 200 Kwani Waiter Anakam Akiwa Chips Funga
5. Ati Mat Ni 300 Kwani Nashuka Na Viti?
6. Ati University Students For Uhuruto Kwani Wao Ni HELB?
7. Ati kibiriti ni 10 bob..kwani hiyo rhino iko hapo ni ya grade?
8. Ati Kuona Simba 500? Kwani Ni Simba Wa Yuda?
9. Eti Bra Ni 900!Kwani Ni Long Sleeved?
10. Ati Unga Ya Ugali 200,Kwani Inakam Na Mboga?
11. Ati Bra 1k Kwani Itafanya Boobs Ziwe Kama Za Minaj?
12. Ati Kuingia Marine Park Ni 7k ,Kwani Wako Na Ile Whale Ilimeza Jonah?
13. Ati Bash Ya Kuruka Mwaka Ni 5000/= Kwani Tunaruka Hadi 2014
14. Ati Kiatu Ni 5k Kwani Inakam Na Barabara Yake??
15. Ati Waterguard 500...Kwani Ni G4S Ndio Wanaguard Hiyo Maji?
16. Ati Amarula Ni 5k Kwani Inakam Na Amapencils Na Amasharpeners Ama Amaset?
17. Ati Nyama Kilo 800/- Kwani Hiyo Mbuzi Ilipigania Uhuru
18. Ati Weddin Dress 60k Kwani Inakua Mosquito Net Usiku?
19. Ati Tazama Chapaa, Kwani Macho Ni Ya Kubonga?
20. Hehe Ati Nyanya Moja Ashu, Kwani Ina Kitunguu Ndani?
21. Ati Condom 100/= Kwani Inakuja Na Anti-Virus?
22. Ati Jersey Ya Arsenal Ni 3k, Kwani Inakuja Na Kamba Ya Kujinyonga?
23. Ati Rain Coat 900/- Kwani Iko Na Heater Ndani??
24. Ati Open Shoes 2500,Kwani Ikifika Tym Ya Matope Ama Mvua Inakua Closed Shoe?
25. Eti Yai Moja Sh 2,000/= Kwani Amelitaga Mama Kayaii
26. Ati Coat Ni 4000..Kwani Inauzwa Pamoja Na Mwili?
27. Ati Ukiwa Mtoi Hukufanya "Arts And Craft"..Kwani Ulikua Unafanya WITCHCRAFT?
28. Eti Padlock Ya Solex 1500 Kwani Inakuja Na Watchman?
29. Ati Horror Movie Ni Sh 500/= Kwani Ni Shetani Mwenyewe Ameact ?
30. Ati Kuku Ni 1200 Kwani Imesoma
31. Ati "Me I Don't Trust Boys..All Boys Are The Same"..Kwani Tulizaliwa China?
32. Ati Gas 5k,Kwani Ni Fabregas
33. Ati Sabuni 200 Kwani Inaosha Dhambi
34. Ati Radio Ya 80k, Kwani Inashika Hadi Police Station?
35. Ati Weave 2k,Kwani Imetengenezwa Na Nywele Ya Samson?
36. Ati Unaweka Kifuli Kwa Mlango Wa Choo Kwani Kuna Mwizi Wa Mavi.
37. Ati Uhuruto For Statehouse.......... Kwani Hague Kulibomolewa??
38. Ati Mvua Ni KIBAO Kwani Kiangazi Ni Blue MOON?
39.  Ati Tai Ni 300bob, Kwani Inakuja Na Shingo
40. Ati Kinyozi Mia Mbili, Kwani Unaacha Kichwa Ikinyole
41. Ati Mr Berry Ni 10 Bob Kwani Inakuja Na Mrs Berry Wa
42. Ati Kioo 10, 000 Kwani Ni ya Samsung?
43. Ati kunyoa ni 500 bob, kwani inatoa hadi ujinga?
44. Ati Apple Juice Ni 2k Kwani Imetengenezwa Na Adams Apple
45. 2013 Imekawia.....Kwani Inakuja Na 2014?
46. Ati Potty 2k Kwani Iko Na Flash?
47. Eti Raila Atashinda. Kwani Omena Watavote?
48. Ati TV 100k...kwani inaleta Beyonce akiwa Mokorino
49. Ati Chips 200 Kwani Imepikwa Na Miadi
50. Ati Kitanda Ni 50 K Kwani Ikona Bibi
51. Ati Have A Blast Kwani Mi Ni Eastleigh?
52. Ati Kuwatch Horror Movie Ni 1000/= Kwani Shetani Aliact Live.
53. Ati Succes Card Ni 400,Kwani Ina Mwakenya
54. Ati Pwani Si Kenya..Kwani Kenya Ni Pwanii!
55. Ati
56. Ati PK Ni 30 Bob , Kwani Imetafunwa Na Ferguson?
57. Laptop Ya 70k Kwani Iko Na Windows Za Chuma?
58. Ati Mahari 10M Kwani Mke Anakuja Na Ios?
59. Ati Pk As
60. Ati Unafunga choo na Padlock kwani kuna mwizi wa Shonde?
61. hu Kwani Iko Na Kachumbari..
62. Ati Unaenda Kuruka Mwaka Coast, Kwani Uliskia Mwaka Ilihepa Huku Ikaenda Coast?
63. Ati Yai Boilo 30/= Kwani Kuku Ilitagia mayai Kenyatta Hospital?

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