Gharama ya Wanawake

KWELI WANAWAKE WANA GHARAMA!!
HEBU CHEKI:-
Kila kiungo chao kinahitaji fedha.
Nywele zinataka Dawa.
Maskio yanahitaji Herini.
Macho yanataka Wanja na Shadow!
Pua inataka Kipini.
Mdomo unataka Lipstick.
Sura inataka Poda na Foundation.
Shingo inataka Cheni.
Matiti yanataka Sidiria.
Mikono inataka bangili.
Vidole vinataka Pete.
Kiuno kinataka Shanga.
Matako yanataka Chupi.
Miguu inataka Hina na Viatu,
Na
K*ma inataka Always.

FUNNY SWAHILI SMS

1.Kuna jamaa alkuwa atoka lamu akushukia hoteli moja mld akaitisha chai,alipoletewa ikiwa haina sukari akaitisha sukari kisha akauliza sukari bei gani akaambiwa ni bure akasema bac nifungieni kilo 2
2. Kuna jamaa aligongwa na gari akawa mahtuti wale jamaa wakumuhudumia wakasema leteni maziwa yule jamaa alogongwa akasema oya na mkate nusu
3.Kuna jamaa alikuwa amekula miraa mpaka akawa fullhandas akicheki nje aona mvua yanyesha akasema doh mke wangu atakuwa na wasi wasi kama sikuenda hapo hapo akachukuwa mwavuli akaenda kwa mke wake akamwambia mke wangu mvua yanyesha sana siezi kuja nyumbani nitakuja kesho
4. Kuna jamaa alishikwa akiiba sambusa akaambiwa utalipa sambusa kisha utaenda polisi akajibu sambusa siendi na polisi silipi
5. Saddam alimuuliza ashwarya hw is lyf ashwarya akajibu kabi kush kabi gam nae ashawarya akamuuliza saddam saddam akajibu KABI BUSH KABI BOM
6. Mtoto mtiriri jana alimuona baba akimramba mama kuma leo alia nja apewa titi akataa asema mbona jana ulimpa baba chini na mimi nataka huko huko
7. Jamaa alitumwa gazeti la tarehe 10 na budake akakosa aliporudi kwa babako akarudi na magazeti 2 ya tarehe 5
8. Kadhi alimuuliza mume kwa nn wapenda kumtia mke wako nyuma mume akajibu kwa sababu mbele ni tamu na mimi ni mgonjwa wa sukari
9. Utafiti ulofanywa INDIA umegundua! Kuma ni jamii ya mdomo kwani ina ulimi,ina mate,ina ndevu,ina mashavu,ila imenyimwa meno sababu ya usalama wa mboo.Hapo vipi?
10. Khair mauti mauta waminal mauti mautan,Amin.Dua hii uliyoisoma ni ya kuomba"KIFO"na wewe ushaisoma haya sasa itakuaje?hebu jiguse roho,jee bado hujafa?kama hujafa niflash ili niondoe wasiwasi,ukikaa kimya nitajua umekufa
11. Hyo yako c dhahabu wala almasi utakufa tukuzike chini ya nyasi ,wape uwapao mwisho utatupa nasi

WHEN A NAIROBIAN VISITS MOMBASA.

1) All the swahili you learnt in school was just theory . When you land in coast, you start the practicals.
2) Niaje .. . is NOT an acceptable greeting. You say Niaje to someone and they gaze at you like they just caught you staring at testicles of the snake!
3) Remember when your Swahili teacher said those funny tanakali za sauti and misemo things you learnt in primary school and high school will come back to haunt you? He was right. I learnt that saying 'Akaanguka kwa maji kuuuu! ... . is wrong . Wrong? SINCE WHEN?
4) Shukisha .. . is NOT matatu -speak for being dropped off in coast . Bwaga is the word . I sure missed ngeli ya Bwa-ga in class.
5) If you use SHENG, you will most possibly look as stupid as a man in his wife's red dress and purple stockings . If swahili doesnt work with you, use English .
6) If some coastarian starts insulting you, you are dead. They are DAMN good at it . Open your mouth to answer and everyone will wonder which insult school you attended.How do you answer an insult like ,' Mbona wahara maneno ovyo ovyo .Na si umwombe Mola tako lingine uregeshe domo hilo lako?'
7) The punctuation marks in their swahili are difficult . I know fullstops ,comas and exclamation marks.There you punctuate your sentense with Naomba , Pole , Shukrani, Tafadhali and other weird words.Guess the hookers from therefeel like queens when you say,'Naomba ya mia mbili !'
8_____________________________
# Mswati lesimale