An autopsy professor was giving an introductory
lecture to a class of students. Standing over a
corpse, he addressed the class. "There are two
things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear." Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. "Now you must do the same," he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. "Second," the professor continued, "you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?"
The Unripe cherry joke
A father and his three beautiful, blonde,
daughters went into a hotel to stay for the
night. When the daughters went to check in,
they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls. While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says "If you don't do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry." Fearing for his life, he did it with her. Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said "If you don't do it with me, I'll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry." Again fearing for his life, he agreed. Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said "If you don't have sex with me, I'll pour green juice all over the bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry." "Green juice?" He asked. "Why Green?" She replied, "Because my cherry isn't ripe yet, duh."
☆ Million Dollars Questions ☆
✓ Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
⇝ Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy... ⇝ New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women. ✓ Why is sex like shaving ? Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again... ✓ Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster? A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.✓ Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right? A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed. ✓ Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!
IS SEX WORK?
A man wonders if sex on the sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or
play. He asks a priest for his opinion on the question.The priest says after consulting
the bible,"My son,after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and not premitted on the sabbath."
THE man thinks:what does a priest know about sex?
He goes to a minister...a married man, experienced... for the answer.He queries the minister and receives tha same reply. Sex is work and not for the sabbath! Not pleased
with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority-- a man of thousands of years
of tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.
The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son,sex is definitely play."
The man replys,"rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?
The rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work... my wife would have the maid do it."
play. He asks a priest for his opinion on the question.The priest says after consulting
the bible,"My son,after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and not premitted on the sabbath."
THE man thinks:what does a priest know about sex?
He goes to a minister...a married man, experienced... for the answer.He queries the minister and receives tha same reply. Sex is work and not for the sabbath! Not pleased
with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority-- a man of thousands of years
of tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.
The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son,sex is definitely play."
The man replys,"rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?
The rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work... my wife would have the maid do it."
Seven complicated facts about Women:
1. They believe in saving.
2. Believe in saving but buy expensive clothes.
3. Buy expensive clothes but never have anything to wear.
4. Never have anything to wear, but always dressed beautifully.
5. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.
6. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.
7. Expect men to compliment, but don't believe them if complemented.
Extremely Complicated!
aTI kWANi JokEs
*Ati unabeba guitar coz wewe ni msanii, kwani malaya hubeba kitanda?
*Ati kuwatch horror movie ni 1000/= kwani shetani aliact live?
*Ati kuona daktari ni 1k kwani ametoa nguo?
*Ati boxer ni 900 kwani iko na suspender za testicles?
*Ati elimu ni ngao kwani tunaenda vita?
*Ati mwisho wa gari ni hapa kwani ikipita apo inakuwa ndege?
*Ati gari haina watu kwani dereva na kondakta ni wanyama?
*Ati pads 1k kwani inakam na drainage system?
*Ati kuwatch horror movie ni 1000/= kwani shetani aliact live?
*Ati kuona daktari ni 1k kwani ametoa nguo?
*Ati boxer ni 900 kwani iko na suspender za testicles?
*Ati elimu ni ngao kwani tunaenda vita?
*Ati mwisho wa gari ni hapa kwani ikipita apo inakuwa ndege?
*Ati gari haina watu kwani dereva na kondakta ni wanyama?
*Ati pads 1k kwani inakam na drainage system?
Methali nazo
>Biashara asubuhi...Jioni Mapenzi
>Haraka haraka... hupasua condom
>Mficha uchi...nyege humsumbua
>Mtoto akililia wembe...ujue
kashatoa mafudhi
>Aliye juu....anamtia mwenzake
>Bandu bandu.... humaliza nyege kiunoni...
>Chovya chovya humaliza uvajo
>Dawa ya mti ni kuma...
>Mchagua kuma si mtiaji...
>Fuata dame amebeba umuone anavyotetemesha...
>Ukitaka cha doggy styl sharti
uiname!
>Haraka haraka... hupasua condom
>Mficha uchi...nyege humsumbua
>Mtoto akililia wembe...ujue
kashatoa mafudhi
>Aliye juu....anamtia mwenzake
>Bandu bandu.... humaliza nyege kiunoni...
>Chovya chovya humaliza uvajo
>Dawa ya mti ni kuma...
>Mchagua kuma si mtiaji...
>Fuata dame amebeba umuone anavyotetemesha...
>Ukitaka cha doggy styl sharti
uiname!
Things girls should know about men
.........................................................
1.Guys are more emotional,then they think if truly loved
2. Guys may be flirting all day but before they sleep they always thinks of the man girl they love.
3.Guys go crazy over girls smile
4.A guy who likes you wants to be the only one you talk to
5.If guys tells you about his problem,he just needs someone who could listen you don't have to give you advice
6.When a guys tells you to leave him he just actually says please come and listen to me
7.No guy can handle all his problem on his own he is just to stubborn to admit
8.When a guy sacrifices his sleep with you he really likes you and wants to be with you
get fACTS RIGHT
1. ABORTION haifanyi ukuwe bila
mimba nugu wewe, inafanya
ukuwe mama ya motto mwenye
amekufa.
2. INTELLIGENCE ni kama
underwear, so si lazima kila mtu
aone eti uko nayo.
3. DIGNITY ni kama
VIRGINITY, once umepeana yako
kwa kamang’ange,
hauwezi kuipata tena.
4. TRUE FRIENDS ni kama bra coz
wanakuanga alive kutuhold
tusianguke kila siku kila place.
5. Percentage ya hydrogen kwa
universe ni ndogo kushinda
percentage ya idots wenye wako
kwa universe kama wewe.
mimba nugu wewe, inafanya
ukuwe mama ya motto mwenye
amekufa.
2. INTELLIGENCE ni kama
underwear, so si lazima kila mtu
aone eti uko nayo.
3. DIGNITY ni kama
VIRGINITY, once umepeana yako
kwa kamang’ange,
hauwezi kuipata tena.
4. TRUE FRIENDS ni kama bra coz
wanakuanga alive kutuhold
tusianguke kila siku kila place.
5. Percentage ya hydrogen kwa
universe ni ndogo kushinda
percentage ya idots wenye wako
kwa universe kama wewe.
hUSBAND AND WIFE JOKE
Wife : How much do you love me ?
Husband : I love U so much, I can't measure.
Wife : No just tell me....
Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my
sim card, i am nothing without you...
Wife : Wow ! that's so romantic...
Husband (saying to himself):Thank God
she doesn't know,this is a Chinese phone, with TWO sim
cards.
Husband : I love U so much, I can't measure.
Wife : No just tell me....
Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my
sim card, i am nothing without you...
Wife : Wow ! that's so romantic...
Husband (saying to himself):Thank God
she doesn't know,this is a Chinese phone, with TWO sim
cards.
KIMONDIO JOKES
Kimondio: Mayai ni mbesa ngapi?
shopkeeper: Kubwa ni 10/- ndogo 7/- na zenye zimevunjika 3-
Kimondio: Nivunjie mbili zile kubwa
shopkeeper: Kubwa ni 10/- ndogo 7/- na zenye zimevunjika 3-
Kimondio: Nivunjie mbili zile kubwa
THE KENYAN WIFE AND HER HUSBAND
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
